teacher to be…

My very 1st day at school as TRAINEE TEACHER. I was not suppose to go for any teaching activities just yet. NO valid teaching LICENSE – not qualified lagi la . But last Monday , I went for my School Based Experience – This component will provide exposure and initial experience of the primary school context to the us, it allows me to relate theoretical knowledge to the actual school setting .

First day went so – so . nothing much . it just that , the moment I entered the school , I have this weird feeling. I fell like I am not suppose to be here . felt bad about it. Then the morning Monday assembly. I thought, all this while, I will be more ‘thrill & excited’ about going to school. But looking at all the young, small kids, the weird feeling of I am not suppose to be here is getting worst. I feel so bad about it . Very guilty indeed. What went wrong with me?

Then my very 1st class – replacement teacher. Bahasa Melayu – Year 1. Very very very nervous ! wondering how it would be in the class later.

The moment I entered the class – the whole kids stood up and said , Selamat Pagi Chegu ….. hmm.. chegu ? me… chegu ?
1st impression of my fellow fren when they know that I am doing my teaching course is .. abis la.. mati la the kids.. garang ni teacher..
Ok back to the class room situation. i said selamat pagi , sila duduk . then one boy stand up and said , chegu .. chegu .. chegu cantik la… ( OMG!!! This really happen ka? My lecturer did told us about this situation, but I was not expecting it this early… hahaha.. remember when people said , budak kecik never lie… so .. I am CANTIK la ni..:P ) but then , I haven’t abis kambang2 wit the pujian yet .. another boy stood up and said … chegu .. apa yg merah2 d pipi chigu tu.. aiyaaa.. potong trip la ni boy….. I said , it nothing . mmg muka saya mcm tu ( my 1st lie to the kids… ) and start to deliver the worksheet provided by the class teacher.
Class went chaotic, some a jumping here n there, climbing chairs and table.. I got panicked. Ada juga yg fighting … and crying … oh GOD HELP me!!! …I was out of control of the 35 pupils. Wonder if I scolded or raise up my voice to them ? nope .. I didn’t. I actually oppose that kind of attitude. Yes I am garang , but I don’t do scolding. We shouldn’t do that to young kid.. (org besar boleh.. ahahaha) but class went wild. reaaly WILD!!! Nasib baik 30 minute jak. I went back to the staffroom feeling bad -and exhausted !!!, I can’t handle this class, and how am I going to be a teacher? ( got to my head juga.. pa mcm la if i got my own kidsssss… adus!!)
The other 3 class I went and replace was even worst. How am I going to face my student for my practicum later? – matai la ni …
Did some ‘counseling’ with fellow teacher friend, senior teacher and my beloved sis.
Up to date, I think I am getting better. Hopefully can do the GREATEST.. The kids need me to be so.. ahahaha.. semangat la kunun…. No la… this all come to me because I don’t want my kids to be thought ‘cincai-cincai’…. So in order to do so…. I won’t do the same thing…

Go .. go .. go… me !!!