feelin’ blue

i usually associate blue with something calm .. soothing … relaxing … like the sky .. the sea….

but today …. i am feelin’ the other blue… very blue…

its hard to explain how exactly i felt at the moment , it just that , i am supposed to be happy .. thrill ….. and excited .. its a school hols , i will have my time for myself … and i am going to see my very long buddy “over-the-sea” tomorrow….

something very depressing and disappointing had happen to me .. and i  asked my self … again ? another trial for me ? AGAIN? seriously , i could not deal with any trial at the moment … i have no more strength … it been a very tiring 5 years for me …

some people may be very strong to stood up again all the trial , some would be able to do something miracle out of what had happen to them .. but some would just be giving up… and other might just choose to do self-destruction …

yes , i am very much AWARE , the option is in my hand , what ever decision is MINE ! and i have to be RESPONSIBLE to it !

i ………… i seriously don’t know what else to say.. i have gone thru a lot and i cant handle any … i might be strong but i am just another normal human being …. WHY ME ????!!!!